Slip: Shame Loneliness Isolation Pain
February 15, 2018
© Ariel C. Williams
Cut myself off from love
Mama grabbed me by the face and cried
Said she don’t want her baby
Hurting and raging inside
Said I was made to love
To be loved and a help mate that’s whole
That I should tear down the guard I’ve built
Be vulnerable so love can snatch me tenfold
But mama failed to realize behind the pain in my eyes
Comes experience I trouble to forget
Moving on sounds good; probably feels fine
Yet my rage is laced in comfortable regret
It is
Shame that’s strengthened the wall
Loneliness that always calls
Isolation that’s padded the fall
Pain strong enough to numb it all
Somehow sorrow seems to poorly paint
A faint smile stained on my face
That the world ignores every day
But mama won’t look away
With tears in her eyes she prays I’ll make it out
Forgive it all; shake it off
Get a final cry and clean me up
Put a man in my face and call it love
“Why he wanna love me when sometimes I don’t love myself?”
I refrain from asking and instead hold inside
No static, no pressure, no waves or calling out
But I know what’s happening won’t get fixed by becoming a wife
I kiss mama back and tell her I’ll try
Give her my word to do my best
Hope that the outward love she prays for me
Finds me on the inside so we both can rest
